Recognizing the need for something else...

I spoke with my Love Lost last night.  Its nice to chat with someone who I have known for 10 years.  (Never really having anyone like that in my life, Carlo means a lot to me).  At the end of our conversation Carlo stated that  
"  you can do Leslie in Barcelona".   That made my day.  Knowing that someone else has that foresight about me.  That statement brought back my smile...


My Love Lost has been through something similar with losing someone and having all of those thoughts of the future just vanish into thin air.  Now, he is telling about that one moment where everything changed, all those happy thoughts of spending the rest of your life with someone have all been dashed against the rocks below.  I felt my own little ping of pain when hearing about this moment for him... it was my own selfishness seeping in.  I wanted to be the one who picked up the pieces of my Love Lost from the rocks.  (there will always be a piece of my heart just for him)

Heartache happens, we all know this but it had such power over our lives. My Love Lost and myself are now making the same statements, losing the love of our life has made the pathway to another love a high mountain pass which is currently closed due to the snow fall. 

My Love Lost went to China to change his future.  He told me last night that was the best thing he had ever done for himself.  Now, I may need something like that in my life.  I have always loved the Spanish guitar. One of my first memories of hearing that music was in a movie, which one.. I don't remember but I do remember the guitar.  Each cord played moved through my body.. I was very young but that was one of the first times I felt passion, joy and having something move me from within.  I was around 10 years old.

So perhaps a change in my future will then be a leap of faith to Spain. The only thing I could do there is teach english.  Now- the question becomes do I leave the career I have started here for the chance to live in Spain?  Which one of these options will give me what I truly need?  Which one will feed my soul and give me back my dynamic smile?