To Ask...

Knowing... that even still, my heart has been taken over,

My thoughts; a gray day...no one would find a four leaf clover-

The memories were a beautiful house of cards, so neatly stacked,

They have been displaced; overcome, overwrought and completely hijacked-

This obsessive process in my mind is constantly decompensated,

It has me disorganized and scattered, I just want to be medicated-

Prozac, Abilify, Morphine; any of those will due,

I am begging you please, be humane let these drugs put my heart someplace new- 

To ask Why?- What a silly thing to do...
         To ask Why?- You know what you put me through...
                  To ask Why?- The thoughts of old, hide all that is new...
                                                                                                  To ask,
                                                                                                           To just ask...

Jaded; I now sit, looking at all the accumulation of work that needs to be done,

That old adage is true, though I no longer feel the sun-

All I can do is vacantly stare at the mountain of clothes,

My broken body, now on display; it's unclear for how many shows-

From eight thousand ninety one miles away, you sit in your plush asian seat, withholding your nearest touch-

The distance was always cumbersome for both of us but you always used it as a crutch-

Convincing myself that this was enough of a reason to leave- 

It would never hold up when you look at what Adam really did to Eve-   

To ask What if?- What a silly thing to do...
         To ask What if?- You know what you put me through...
                 To ask What if?- The thoughts of old, hide all that is new...
                                                                                              To ask,
                                                                                                       To just ask...

Now, the broken parts of those minutes and months have formed into unimaginable years,

Fate has gone array, my thoughts have never wavered even through the pain and tears-

Closing my eyes, the stories that have been embedded, idealized and should've been condoned-
My love for you has been reduced to memories, that want a life of their very own-    

Those pillaged years have pasted, ten at last count,

Those years... all encompassing, all obsessing have started to surmount.-

The reminders of you are many and often,
Though I know that in your mind I am forgotten-

To ask What happened?- What a silly thing to do...
         To ask What happened?- You know what you put me through...
                  To ask What happened?- The thoughts of old, hide all that is new...
                                                                                                       To ask,           

                                                                                                               To just ask...

Into what?  I cannot say... to utter those realities would be sacrosanct.

Wanting more then a miracle, I ask the powers to be if my cause can be highly ranked. 

Should I cross myself to save what I can?  

Do I care enough to think there is some unforeseen plan?

The dreams I used to have of us, our family, the home next to the Mediterranean,

Those dreams have been tossed down a hole, into the blackness of the subterranean-

I leave all of this history now with painstaking regret,

Standing on the very edge, I look into the infinite blackness of the oubliette-   

To ask Will you ever?- What a silly thing to do...
         To ask Will you ever?- You know what you put me through...
                  To ask Will you ever?- The thoughts of old, hide all that is new...
                                                                                                          To ask,
                                                                                                                 To just ask...

 

Understanding that our history was never fully written or recognized,

I am left with nothing, only a heart that will never again be whole or fully realized-

I love you, I love you, I love you- I will always love you beyond my dying day,

On that day you shall receive a token from me to remind you of all I could not say-

My heart will never mend from this desecration,

Perhaps one hope is that this emotional homage will be my salvation-

To ask... I will no longer do such a thing,

Perhaps that will be the remedy I need knowing there will never be a wedding ring-

To ask...

            To just ask....