I have now sat with a blank computer screen for what feels like an eternity... I am so distracted because of my father being in that terrible accident that nothing else really seems to matter. I do get that this is a normal way to feel but it's still so very unsettling.
I had someone yesterday state, "Leslie, what you have been through in the last year would have broken anyone else." I do recognize this but for some reason I feel like I don't even deserve that kind of recognition. The implication of my strength during difficult times, taking that in and trying to see what others see, I am grasping in the dark with no sign of light or life.
The thoughts I have had about losing my father are crippling me. Every regrettable decision I have made flashed in my mind..... divorcing, no kids, not going home often enough... everything had to do with lacking things in my life.
Lack of:
The fact or condition of not having enough; shortage; deficiency
My fear based thinking has.... made me feel very lonely tonight.
I wish I could just be with my Dad right now....
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